It recently dawned on me that I have been a member of the Hikari Shayukai photo club for a year now. I wrote about joining in this post: Never Too Old to Polish. It seems like a good time to reflect on what the club has been like for me.

As a rule, it has been very good. I have learned a lot from the teacher’s advice and from looking at so many other pictures, but more than anything, the ever-present idea that “I need ten good pictures this month” has encouraged mindful photography. I bring my camera everywhere and take pictures in an active way, always looking for something interesting. I am more aware of composition, though still feel unsure of it, and I am better at choosing good pictures over bad. I can say I am definitely a better photographer now than I was this time last year, simply because I have taken so, so many more photos, and paid attention to how I do it.

I still have a way to go, of course. I can be impulsive, and I often find I have missed obvious background problems because I get too caught up in the moment and the subject. But still, progress is progress.

But I am also having some… Doubts, I guess you could call them, about the actual club.

The format I described in the original post has changed a little. It still runs like a little photo competition each month, but instead of one person getting a little prize, there’s a point system now. First place gets five points, second gets three, and third gets two. Everyone else who attends with photos gets 1. No photos/attendance, no points. At the end of the year (for some reason, the fiscal year, meaning March), the person with the highest points gets some kind of prize.

What this has done is turn the class into an actual competition. We see the point totals each week. We feel a sense of actual rivalry with other members. And, I’ll be honest, it hurts that I haven’t gotten a first place once in this last year. The teacher is always very complementary. He has said I have a unique eye and that I find pictures he’s never seen before. He has even chosen some of my pictures and said they should be in shows, and I should keep pursuing these subjects.

But he keeps picking the same goddamn train and little kid pictures. The same people, month after month, get first place. I know that the points and the clapping and the ranking shouldn’t matter, but it really is discouraging. And, I’ll be honest, some of the choices he’s made are flat out wrong. Some of the pictures that get first are beautiful and amazing, but some are crass and boring. It makes me wonder if maybe I’m in the wrong group, if my goals and interests are simply too different.

But, at the same time, I like the people, and it is good to be so engaged in photography. I shouldn’t complain. But I want to, sometimes.

Anyway. Here are some of my favorite pictures of the last year that did not get ranked better than some picture of a steam train.